A Heritage of Hate
Beezard on October 21st, 2008 at 1:20 am
Despite the momentous strides we’ve taken as a nation towards achieving equal civil rights for all racial/ethnic/religious/sexual minorities, if one merely peels back the flimsy facade of our duplicitous society, one will see a stain. That stain is Hate. And it smells. It smells like Injustice. And if you listen hard enough, underwater, you might just hear the lamenting cries of trillions of tiny Sea People.
A chilling example of the mail order Sea People slave trade.
“Sea-Monkeys” they’re called. A hateful term cherry-picked by slave masters for the sole purpose of robbing their ”product” of its (sea) humanity. Stolen from the ocean, dried and packed into plastic bags, the Sea People are bought and sold at discount prices.
If it seems like I’m trying to morally equate the traffic in “sea-monkeys” to (dry land) humanity’s own seedy and ancient history of human bondage, don’t be fooled. This is much much worse.
Though much-maligned, human slavery at least resulted in some unintentionally beneficent consequences. The tourism industry would be devastated if slaves hadn’t been there to build the wonders of the ancient world. Life would be much more irritating without the cool, smooth taste of slave-harvested tobacco. And we certainly wouldn’t be dancing the Charleston to our favorite jazz numbers. It’s also important to mention that, except for in most of the rest of the world, human slavery no longer exists.
A scene from "Monkey Sea, Monkey Do" featuring human actors in Sea-face. This sort of crass, "Amos and Andy" style ethnic humor is typical of the way Sea People have been portrayed in movies and television.
Why, in this supposedly enlightened day and age, is this allowed to go on? You have only to look upon their smiling faces to know that these “Sea-Monkeys” FEEL. They LOVE. And they DREAM just like the rest of us… about candy-apple orchards and rivers made of sparkling chocolate lemonade. How have we turned a blind eye and allowed such obviously sentient beings to become mere fodder for our most base amusements?
It began in 1957, when Harold von Braunhut (the inventor of X-Ray Specs and Scourge of the Sea Folk) “invented” Instant Life, the first attempt to market Sea People. The product was aimed at amateur megalomaniacs looking to hold god-like power over a subservient subhuman race they could keep on top of their dresser. Instant Life was only moderately successful, due mostly to the fact that it couldn’t get you any poontang.
Then in 1962 Von Braunhut changed tactics. It was he who coined the hurtful
- Queen Amelia, a true hero of the Sea People’s civil rights movement in the tradition of Ghandi and Rodney King.
racial epitaph “Sea Monkey”, and used it to advertise the Sea People as “pets” who were “eager to please”. The rest, as they say, is everything that happened up until now.
But now and here, in the here and now, we can make a difference. Actually, we can’t. But a coordinated media barrage with the backing of influential and outspoken Hollywood celebrities and a few million in donations to Sea People Rights lobby groups might just do the trick. When that happens, we can end this despicable slave trade and FREE THE SEA PEOPLE!
Then, once their chains of bondage are broken, I want them all put in a leaky sub to the ocean floor and OUT OF MY COUNTRY! Let’s give them the freedom to go starve in their OWN godforsaken hellhole The last thing we need is a few billion more wigglin’ salt breathers stealing our micro-technology jobs, filling up our welfare lines, scaring our women, and tryin to make us feel bad about the fact that we used to keep them in jars. Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are Sea People, I just don’t want one dating my sister.
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Great article. I actually learned something.